College is similar to a jump in the unknown, with people from everywhere and every age groups, leading you to feel a bit lost and overwhelmed. Even more when you’re doing it without your high school friends. Because you’re alone in this. However, just because you start alone doesn’t mean you have to stay alone through all of it.
Personally through my school years I never had to look for friends, people approached me, they were funny and then we were a crew. That simple. But who’s gonna come to you in college ? No one will go to you asking if you’re the newbie, people won’t know your name beforehand. And those invisible walls created once high school’s over, they are the adulthood ones.
Then, if you’re like me, making friends can be complicated and quite awkward and definitely not as depicted on movies.
I experienced those walls and I honestly think it’s a bit ridiculous. But as now I finally made friends, months after I started college, I thought ‘why not post about it ?’. And well, that’s what I am doing.
So here, just for you, are nine ways that to me are the best to make friends in college when you start it completely alone.
1. Join a club or an association
There is no better way to meet other people who share a common interest with you. Most universities have those associations for quite everything and everyone.
Those associations meet on a regular basis, some organize events, some gather you all to just talk about your shared passion. But don’t worry, you can join an association as a newbie as to try and learn something new.
Just check the website and the Facebook of your college/university and you might find just what you’re looking for.
2. Spend time in common areas
Weeeelll, let’s just be straight here. If your college life can be summarized like this : go to classes and go home, then you’re not making this friend search particularly easy, are you ? (I’m speaking with experience)
There are lots of common spaces in your campus (I’m sure of it, don’t lie).
The cafeteria, the library, study rooms, open spaces and whatever else ! Just take your chance and try to meet new people. You’ve got nothing to lose.
I’m telling you, you might just find your soulmate in the romance section of your library.
3. Be there early
Because yes as I said, you have to spend time in college if you want to make college friends. So one of my tips is the following one : be early when you go to classes. Well of course if your first class is at eight am, no one will be willing to talk. But for your afternoon classes, just be there fifteen minutes before.
People sit in the same seats most of the time so just find your prey (someone you think would be great to befriend), sit next to them and talk to them.
You can compliment them about their outfit, their bag, ask if they’re taking that other class too (you obviously know they do but like this you will engage a conversation about something you have in common).
The conversation won’t be long since it is just before class begins. But it also means that now you have a reason to talk to them again.
HOWEVER : the most important and also most forgotten step is Ask Their Name and give them yours ! Like isn’t it so awkward to go to someone you’re supposedly knowing and just not be able to name them ? So make sure you ask for their name at the beginning of the first conversation.
4. ‘Stalk’ your camarades’ way home
No don’t.
What I mean by ‘stalking’ is that you want to look out for anyone from your classes who has the same way home as you.
You might take the same bus, the same metro, live in the same neighborhood, or even live in the same building !
So on your way home, try to catch up with this person you know for sure is in one of your classes (if you’re mistaken it is going to be awkward) and ask them a very innocent “hey, you’re taking this class too, aren’t you ?”
If the person is nice and open and as desperate for friends as you are, this might just be the beginning of a friendship. Because you share something in common : you take that same class (you can now talk about the teacher, some loud people in the class, the huge amount of work, etc!) & you have the same way home (great occasion to talk together and a conversation’s subject).
I’ll give you examples : “do you live in the area ?” “Oh me too!” “It’s really convenient since it is so close to the campus” “I really like the neighborhood, also there is this place I like nearby so maybe I’ll show you someday” “are you living by yourself ? It is so different !”
Of course you don’t want to rant and the conversation being one sided. So make sure the other is really interested in what you’re saying. Are they smiling ? Are they looking at you ? Or just keeping their eyes on the road ?
If the person looks like they would like to befriend you, then drop subtle hints about the fact that you’re lonely. Keyword : subtle.
You might want to talk about how different from high school everything is, you might ask them if they’re familiar with the neighborhood, and casually ask for them to show you around.
Yes, it sounds desperate, but it works.
5. Be on social media
Most universities have facebooks or group chats created for new students.
So before school starts, when everyone is still anxious, nervously sweating or really excited, try to find people in the same program as you. Try talking to as many people as you can, even if you’re awkward. Just be bold, ask questions, engage discussions.
Sometimes gatherings are organized by some people to meet each other before college starts. So just stay a bit active on social media.
Even if it doesn’t lead to real friendships, you’ll still feel a little better about college. It will seem less overwhelming.
Something great about social medias is that if you lose contact with someone, you’ll probably never cross paths with them anyways. But if you do meet someone you talked too, it can also be a conversation starter.
6. Don’t be basic
It sounds bad, but it really isn’t. As I said before and am repeating right now, it is important to have something in common with who you want to befriend. At least at the beginning, so that you’ll have something to talk about.
Which means you need to show others that you have interests, hobbies, a personality, a life, experiences, favorite things… So when I say ‘don’t be basic’, I mean that people should find you approachable, so you need something distinctive about you.
This can translate on many things : a particular shirt design, stickers on your computer, a keychain from a particular place, the design of your bag, even earrings. Do not just wear a plain jean with a white shirt and a black jacket without anything a bit unique.
Because when someone wants to approach you, they have to engage the conversation somehow. Complimenting, and showing the other you share a common interest, or experience are the easiest ways to do so.
My own experience : I have a friend that I first met because we were in the same class and I had this keychain from my high school that he asked me about. I answered and we just started talking about high school life, what we wanted to do in life now, and the keychain was clearly forgotten.
It is just an excuse, we all know it. But it’s still getting the job done.
7. Join a sport team
Let’s be honest here. This one isn’t meant for everyone. At least not for me. But ! If sports are your thing then you might want to go for it.
The process is similar to associations but in a sport team, you need to know and trust your teammates so the chance for you to make friends is really high !
Sweat is the best way to connect !
8. Attend university events
Really great way to meet people you would have probably never seen otherwise. The confusion of a huge event always leads you to meet others. Halloween ? Christmas gathering ? Conferences ? Festivals ?
You will definitely see new faces there.
But you might also see some you know, and that is also a good point : you now have a reason to approach them.
9. Try flat-sharing
It can either go really well or reaaally bad, so don’t force yourself into this situation if you don’t like the idea. Still, I needed to talk about it.
You will share common areas so of course you’ll get to talk to others. But you’ll be sharing your intimacy so be careful of who you decide to flat share with.
If you go with this, try to get along with your roommates and do activities together. It’s even better when none of you is familiar with the city or the neighborhood.
My own experience : I live in a dorm room and have my room for myself alone. However the walls are absolutely not soundproof and you have to be very careful of the noise. So make sure your roommates aren’t too noisy or that you have a very deep sleep, if you want to survive this.
What you should remember !
Many tips up there can be used in different situations than the one I mentioned. Don’t follow what I said step-by-step. Make it your own. Be yourself.
Also, even if I am confident in those tips, always be careful of who you’re befriending.
Moreover, it isn’t all that bad to be alone, we all need some alone time from time to time, so don’t overwhelm yourself. Do not let your search for friends have an impact on your studies, and your wellbeing.
Family is important too, so don’t forget that you probably still have people to talk to. Same if you have high school friends. It’s always nice to hear news from them.
And finally do not panic if you don’t make friends right away. As I told you I made friends months after I started college. Me too, I panicked and thought I’d be alone forever. But I just got my sh*t together and was bold enough to talk to someone else. And from then on I have a nice crew of friends I can count on.
I know you can do it too ! (Or just get a pet)
Sincerely, Leanne 🖤
